Today, if a birth mom chooses, she is able to meet the parents she is placing her precious baby with. If the birth mom and adoptive couple want further contact, they are able to build a relationship, which makes it easier for the birth mom’s child to know more about her. The birth mom doesn’t ever have to wonder where her child ended up; she knows where her child is. The child has the opportunity to know her birth mom and know that she was always loved and not given up, but given more!

Loni, birth mother

The level of involvement you have in your child’s life depends upon the arrangement you and the adoptive family agree to. Correspondence between the adoptive family and the birth parents can help provide information and understanding to the child as well as peace and comfort to the birth parents.

Melissa DePaola, LDS Family Services

I once heard a girl who had decided to parent her child say, “My baby’s the best thing that ever happened to me.” I believed her. But I wanted to ask, “Are you the best thing that could’ve happened to your baby?”

I placed my baby for adoption, and I can also say he’s the best thing that ever happened to me. He transformed my life. I loved my child more than words can explain, and I still do. I believe my love for him was the first real love I’d ever felt, because it was completely selfless. It was the BIGGEST feeling I’ve known. My heart grew in my chest the moment I laid eyes on him. Had I loved him any less—one ounce less—he would be with me now! My love for him was the only thing that could enable me to break my own heart. I didn’t just feel love; I did what love dictated.

Tamra, birth mother

Responsibility is taking ownership of a situation and making the best decision you can. Your responsibility is to do everything you can to give this child the happiest, safest, and most secure life possible. The hardest part about that is being honest with yourself—maybe you cannot provide your child with those things. And I believe that is being very responsible.

Christine, birth mother

I haven’t “gotten over it,” and I hope I never do. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever been a part of. It has defined me and expanded me. My story is sacred, but it’s no skeleton in my closet. This is not something I put away in a box and hide. My story isn’t about what I did wrong; it’s about what I did right. It’s about making ugly things beautiful and turning bitter to sweet.

Have I healed? Oh, yes. The sting, acute as it was, has faded, and peace and assurance remain and increase. I’m not back to how I was before; I’m better.

I thought my choice would leave me broken, but instead, my heart has been mended.

Tamra, birth mother

It is so very hard to do things without support. This can be a lonely and scary time. However, there is definitely hope. Each day you wake up, think of that tiny infant child growing inside of you. You have the opportunity now to make a positive and amazing decision in his or her behalf. You have the chance to make the best choice possible.

If you are considering adoption, look to people who will give you support. LDS Family Services can help you get in touch with other birth mothers and families who support adoption. You are not alone. I encourage you to pray for guidance. When I prayed, it was the first time in a very long time. But I am glad I took that opportunity. I felt guided toward adoption, and I am so glad I chose that path.

Colleen, birth mother

Though it is difficult to make such a momentous decision without family support, it is possible to do so with the guidance and support of others you trust, such as a church leader or spiritual adviser, close friends, and counselors at LDS Family Services. They can help give you the encouragement you need despite the lack of support at home. Don't forget that your own conviction that you are making the best choice for yourself and your baby is more important than what others may think.

Tamara, birth mother

 

Individuals often have differing opinions about specific issues. Often when we are faced with making an important decision in our lives, others we care about or who care about us may not agree with our decision and may even feel hurt by it.

As you make significant decisions in your life, it is important to seek accurate information, weigh alternatives carefully, and seek the counsel of those you know and trust. In the end, you must make the decision you feel is best for yourself and the baby. Over time, you will likely find that those who love and care about you will come to understand your decision, even if it is difficult for them to do so early on.

Bob Egbert, LDS Family Services

Placing my child for adoption was one of the most difficult experiences of my life, but it was also one of the most rewarding. Making sacrifices is never easy, and an act as selfless as adoption can be very painful.

However, when I became a single mother after my divorce, I experienced an even greater pain. I saw my children struggle because of things I could not give them. I saw them long to spend more time with their dad. I saw them experience the confusion of going between two homes and trying to make sense of the different rules and examples in each. I saw them cry when they wanted more time with me and I had to go to work.

That caused more pain than adoption. As a single mom, there were things I simply could not do for my children that a married mother and father could do. Adoption was definitely worth the difficulty.

Martina, birth mother

It is not wrong to be excited about adoption. There is so much joy associated with choosing an adoption plan. When I was pregnant, I remember thinking I was happier than I had been in such a long time. I ended an abusive relationship and started praying and connecting with God again. I felt peace, hope, and love.

Adoption is about miracles. You are choosing to participate in the miracle of life, and that is very exciting. You are blessing two people with a child of their own. You are trying to give this baby the best possible start in the world.

After I decided on adoption, I smiled and laughed so much when I was pregnant. I know that was because my heart was at peace with my choice. I have never doubted that what I did was right. Keep being excited, because it is OK.

Colleen, birth mother

People always have something to say! Whether they experienced an unplanned pregnancy or their cousin’s sister’s best friend did, they are going to share. (You know what I mean.) What helped me stay strong was to remember the feeling I had when I knew adoption was the right choice for me.

I also had to be realistic about my situation. Who was really going to be there after the baby shower—you know, for the midnight, 3:00 a.m., and 6:00 a.m. feedings? How about those colicky moments or those blow-out diapers? And then there were the financial issues, doctor appointments, formula, child care, and so on. I knew that, yes, my family would help, but this was my number one responsibility. (The father, who I had married, had already bailed.)

I knew I would be placing this little girl into the arms of two happily married people who were ready in all ways to be wonderful parents. They were ready, and I was not. I felt the choice I had to make was to put her first.

Christine, birth mother